A generation raised on porn…

First off – you may have noticed a lot of my posts recently have somewhat been related to sex. However, I don’t intend that this blog become a necessarily feminist or sex-themed blog. This current trend is simply because as I begin to learn about a subject, new avenues and topics branch off from that, and for a period of time I will become engrossed in exploring those expanding avenues of thought! Next week I could begin exploring something completely different! But for now – I am finding there is so much I never knew in this sphere!

As a background, towards the end of 2012 I became involved in a photography project called “Voice of Freedom“. Voice of Freedom is a project in which women whom have been rescued or have escaped from trafficking, are taught how to use the medium of photography to express themselves – as a source of creative expression for them, but also in the interest of adding their voices to the global conversation on trafficking today – through dissemination of their work in exhibitions, the media and a book (yet to be produced) from the work.

In the course of working on this project, I began to learn about just how widespread the problem of trafficking is. In fact, apparently two trafficking rings have even been discovered in Oxford!

Earlier this year, the Voice of Freedom project director and I went to ‘Initiatives of Change’ in London to see a film called “Hooray for Hollywood“. The film, an autobiographical piece by Raven Kaliana, a survivor of sex trafficking, uses puppetry to communicate her horrific experiences.

Raven’s story is truly shocking. From four years of age, Raven was used in child porn images and films, some of a violent nature. She even bore witness to another child being murdered in the making of a snuff film. I so badly seek to believe these things couldn’t possibly happen in our society, but they do.

This all started me thinking, where did this all come from? Why this sexual, perverse, violence? Have human beings always been this way? Something in me struggles to believe this is so.

Again, in reading the novel “Vagina” by Naomi Wolf (the subject of a couple of my previous posts), I again learnt more about the sex industry and its effect on our generation and society.

The glorious age of the world wide web

Our generation is the first generation being raised in a virtual world. Kids these days don’t need to ask their parents awkward questions about anything when it comes to life and growing up – they have google for that. And unfortunately, google doesn’t filter out the bad advice. Google doesn’t give an accurate representation of what a model citizen should do. Google provides kids with a whole world of inappropriate and uncensored material. During their formative years, their experiences online are shaping how they view the world, how they view relationships, how they view sex.

“Pornography is now the main media category ahead of legitimate films and records combined…”

 

It appears that 99.99999999% of the pornographic images and videos that exist online are produced with a male sentiment in mind. A woman’s body is turned into another product – with the internet being a marketplace for millions of female body sacks, contorted and probed, for a massive online audience.

I think as a society we haven’t really thought deeply about what happens when content like this is the first thing a 10 year old male sees from the privacy of his bedroom. Before he has even kissed a girl in the playground, his mind is being filled with videos of men and women having certain types of sexual encounters that quite frequently degrade the woman (or women) involved.

Without any positive representations to balance this warped viewpoint, children are slowly being trained to believe that this is how sex is. This is what love is. And that it is “good” and “sexy” to treat women in this way. This is in turn is contributing to an approach to lovemaking that “has turned away from the kinds of caressing and stimulation that turn women on, demoted the vagina, and emphasises often violent penetration. Porn promotes the kind of lovemaking that increases the sexual and emotional dissatisfaction of women. “(230)

A new form of addiction

“Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation and pleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation. This has two consequences. As the first, soon we hardly notice anymore the fleeting whispers of pleasure caused by the leaves in autumn, or by the lingering glance of the right person, or by the promise of reward that will come after a long, difficult and worthy task. The other consequence is that, after a while, we even habituate to those artificial deluges of intensity… Our tragedy is that we become hungrier.” (235)

Evidence is now emerging that porn is literally rewiring the brain. As with all things, human beings are driven to seek reward. When a man (or woman for that matter) sees an image or video, becomes aroused, and attains climax, they are creating new patterns of behaviour, and when reinforced over time, can become habitual and addictive. “The addiction is not actually to the porn but to the orgasm and the predictability of reward“. (234)

In the same way that you build resistance over time to caffeine or alcohol, the next time a porn user sees an image that last turned him/her on, it is not going to turn that person on as much the next time they see it. There is a progressive desensitisation physically and mentally. Porn users will seek out more extreme images over time to seek the same reward response they have become addicted to.

What is now emerging is a large number of individuals for whom ‘ordinary’ sex is no longer stimulating enough. Chronic masturbation to porn sexually desensitises men (and women) overall – it leaches their virility, leaves them with less sexual vigour, and for some, impotence and delayed ejaculation. (232) Naomi talks in her book of being flooded by distressed emails from men when she began to speak about porn and its desensitising effect in the media.

There are now “dehabituation programs” springing up for younger and younger male teens suffering from porn addictions. There are a lot of documentaries that have been released recently that explore the afflictions of young teens. One documentary I watched on the topic followed the story of one young man, who had become addicted to very extreme and violent forms of pornography. Through seeing a sex therapist, it became clear that porn had become a way for him to cope with schoolyard bullying. Watching this type of porn was a way for him to release built up aggression that he harboured towards his fellow classmates. It is scary to think that this addiction to sexual violence, had it been left to go on untreated, could have lead to even more extreme actions, and perhaps even a desire to fulfil his fantasies in real life. Thankfully for him, he appears to have found new alternative ways to deal with his emotions and the challenges he faces in day to day life.

One thing is for sure – this is a problem that is best approached with empathy rather than hostility. These men and women were never warned of the potentially far reaching effects of porn addiction. And thankfully, your neurological environment can be returned to normal. “It can an uncomfortable month or two to restore normal perception after habitual overstimulation. But as ravenous feelings ease, it’s easier to find satisfaction in every aspect of life.”

A new definition of “normal”

An associated by-product of the modern pornographic industry is a new idea of what a “normal” vagina looks like.

There is a tendency in pornography to favour the presentation of one type of vagina, when in the real world there is extraordinary diversity. Porn is giving women an unrealistic idea of what their vulvas should look like, particularly when many porn models have been surgically reconstructed themselves (244). The result has been a significant rise in labiaplasty for purely cosmetic reasons. Healthy women put themselves under the knife at great risk, for the sake of attaining another “beauty” ideal.

In the documentary “The Perfect Vagina” , I first became aware of the artist Jamie McCartney and her artwork, cleverly named, “The Great Wall of Vagina“. Jamie’s artwork is a 9 metre long display of four hundred plaster casts of four hundred different women’s genitalia. The idea behind the work is to remove the veil: show the viewer the diversity that exists and that what popular culture identifies as “normal” is false. As stated on Jamie’s website:”Vulvas and labia are as different as faces and many people, particularly women, don’t seem to know that. McCartney hopes this sculpture will help to combat the exponential rise, seen in recent years, of cosmetic labial surgeries. This new fashion for creating ‘perfect’ vaginas sets a worrying trend for future generations of women.”

On another level, pornography is also changing how a woman feels about her sexual self. When porn represents each woman’s body and her privates as “just one in ten million available orifices“… “a woman will feel her sexual self to be replaceable, not important and not sacred.” (220) Porn is training young men to mishandle or ignore the vagina (245).

There is a great contrast between today’s sexual discourse and that of 200 years ago. In 18th century Victorian erotica, aimed at a male audience, “women are continually deeply kissed, sensuously stroked, passionately caressed and fondled; breasts and nipples are admired“.(247) There was still positive attention towards female sensuality.

More free?

Sometimes it is argued that the diversity and abundance of images available on the internet are a result of an increasingly liberal society, where all forms of sexual taste are accepted. I would beg to differ. “While we are told we live in a time of sexual liberation, this may only mean more sex, or even just more images of sex – and not better or ‘freer’ sex”.(245)

And one last quote from Naomi’s book as food for thought:

“Social conservatives have always feared real sexual awakening because erotic aliveness has the power to lead people into other kinds of resistance to deadening norms and rigid political, class and social oppressions. Eros has always had the potential to truly rouse people, spiritually and politically as well as physically. Porn is really a drug, but it is the kind of drug that diminishes individuality, imagination and pleasure rather than releasing it. Porn, it turns out, eventually takes the sexiness – that is, the wildness – out of sex.” (249)

So if you are somebody who already watches too much porn, maybe you’ll now reconsider your usage? Maybe if you’re a parent, you will start a dialogue with your kids about such things? Or if you’re a sexually dissatisfied male or female, maybe now you will begin to contemplate that this doesn’t have to be so?

Again, another fairly solemn post, but something that is of great importance and effect in our world today!

“Humanity is running a massive, uncontrolled experiment, and we don’t yet know the results. However, there’s increasing evidence that there’s no free lunch.” (238)

Jess

The “C” word – it holds more power than you think…

“Somehow every indignity the female suffers ultimately comes to be symbolised in a sexuality that is held to be her responsibility, her shame… it can be summarised in one four-letter word. And the word is not fuck; it’s cunt. Our self contempt originates in this: in knowing we are cunt.” 

– Kate Millett, Sexual Politics

Women’s issues seem to be really hitting the headlines at the moment, partly sparked by Miley Cyrus and her antics.

For me, the past year has involved a lot of reading and synthesising of texts, news stories, images, and just my own thoughts and feelings, about a woman’s place in society.

Following on from my last blog post about sex, this time around I am focussing on the word “cunt”.

Now, first of all, I’ve been guilty of using this word, in jest, here and there. Sometimes it just slips out of my mouth. Every time this has happened, I have instantly regretted it. I feel  an instant wave of disgust and embarrassment. I immediately wish I could relinquish the word. When I hear others use it, it also provokes shock, and I find myself instantly feeling defensive and judgmental.

How can one four-letter word provoke such strong emotional and physical reactions in me? I am certain I am not the only one who experiences these reactions.

This was another topic discussed in Naomi Wolf’s book, “Vagina”, mentioned in my last post. This post will attempt to give you a brief understanding of the history of the use of the word ‘cunt’, and will hopefully leave you with enough encouragement to refrain, wherever you can, from using this word. All page references in this blog post refer to that book.

The power of language

You may be asking yourself, why does it even matter if somebody uses this word? How is it going to change anything?

As I grow older, I am continuing to become more and more aware of the power of language. As human beings, we use language not simply to describe the world around us, the words we choose to use in our speaking (to ourselves and others) literally create our world.

“Whatever you say, you’ll be right.”

Words are more than just words. The word cunt actually achieves something in the real world, much like when a judge declares somebody as “guilty”, or when a groom says “I do”. (199)

The word ‘cunt’ is unanimously considered to be the worst word in the entirety of the English language. Germaine Greer has been quoted as saying that “it is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock.” Words about the vagina can actually help or hurt the physical vaginal response due to the wiring of the female autonomic nervous system (as discussed in my last blog post).

Where did this all start?

From the beginning of recorded history, when human beings first began making art, there is evidence that almost every early culture related to female sexuality and fertility as sacred, and had some version of a sex goddess.

In China, India and Japan, over a thousand years ago, the vagina was portrayed as the most sacred spot in the most sacred temple in a sacred universe. This is how women’s brains experienced their vaginas. (219) Hence, the vagina began as sacred.

However, as time moved on, particularly in the Western world, the view of women and their sexuality began to change. They began to be seen as “less perfect” than men, in particular in Christian societies. In the medieval world we saw an emergence of practices aimed at degrading women and their sexuality. Some of these included the use of chastity belts and torture of suspected witches (who were often identified by having a nature that was too sexual or too free). Forms of torture often focussed on their sexuality, such as the “Pear of Anguish”, a device made of iron that expanded inside the victim as they turned the screws .

Up until the 1400’s, the word cunt was used commonly in a “lusty, descriptive manner”, and was not considered an obscenity. (143)

Shakespeare was not one to speak fondly of the vagina or women’s sexuality. He refers to hell and the vagina as one place in King Lear:

“Down from the waist they are centaurs, though woman all above… there’s hell, there’s darkness, there is the sulphurous pit, burning, scalding, stench, consumption!” (146)

The ‘modern’ western conception of the vagina developed in the 19th century. (151) Myths were embedded during this time that continue to hold force today.

It was propagated that a good woman had no sexual feelings whatsoever. “As a general rule, a modest woman seldom desires any sexual gratification for herself. She submits to her husband’s embraces, principally to gratify him.”

In the 1850’s, the English government began rounding up women accused of prostitution and forced them into brutal pelvic exams, under the guise of preventing the spread of contagious disease. According to Naomi’s research, any woman who took care of her appearance, or looked or behaved as if she could be sexually active outside of marriage, could be seized by male agents acting undercover, kept in institutions and forcibly medically examined by male strangers. This situation has been imprinted on female consciousness, even though few know the history. (160)

Further to this, there was a trend away from midwives providing support and care to women towards male dominated gynaecology, with a completely different approach to sexuality and birth. (155)

In the late 1800’s, cliterodectomy was performed on a wide scale. it was said that “after excising their clitorises, they went from being fiery to docile, meek, obedient, which we now understand is the result of trauma and interrupted neural activation”. (157)

Reputable professional journals spread misleading information about women’s sexual selves. Even to this day, this has lead to an ignorance of our own anatomy and sexuality.

‘Cunt’ in the new millennium

So, ladies, having said of the above, as a small sample of the history that has coloured femininity, let’s now turn to the present day.

“Mass culture represents any given vagina as just one in 10 million available orifices, as in today’s porn industry, a woman will feel her sexual self to be replaceable, not important and not sacred.” (220)

I can only assume that some things you may have felt over time now be making more sense to you. So often we dismiss these feelings, because what do we possibly have to base them on? We feel they can be so easily refuted.

All I can say is, it is so important to trust yourself. To respect yourself. To speak in a positive and loving way about women and your sexuality. To re-educate others where necessary. To not step over misdemeanours that harm the outward expression of your femininity (where it is appropriate to do so).

If you’re anything like me, I often feel torn in an invisible vice sometimes:

• be sexy, but not slutty or trashy;
• be well-kept and well-dressed, but not too high maintenance;
• keep yourself covered, but not prudish;
• enjoy sex, but don’t sleep around too much, or enjoy sex too much, otherwise you’re a slut;
• be skinny, but have curves too;
• climb the corporate ladder, but don’t expect to enter senior management;
• expect men to be respected for their character, personality and wherewithal, but if a woman expresses the same characteristics, she is threatening, and often branded as masculine or unattractive;
• expect to receive strong backlash if you speak out against any subversive discrimination, as it is expected that you should ‘lay low and laugh it off’.

We can all see this list and go, “yeah right, that’s being a bit extreme isn’t it?” But to be honest, this is so clear in our society. Just buy one copy of a popular woman’s magazine, and you will find all of the above expressed in clear terms.

It is no accident. Keeping women constrained between these invisible walls, unable to gain satisfaction for themselves or in the eyes of their peers, keeps them distracted from speaking out against discrimination, lobbying for equal pay, seeking to achieve recognition and representation in the higher echelons of government and the corporate world. At one time we were limited to the home, and whilst we have gained greater freedoms over time, we are now subject to a different form of discrimination, run subversively by popular culture. When a woman is unhappy or disconnected from what truly matters to her, she will spend more money. Hence, the economy thrives on disaffected females (among others).

Popular culture and the media also drive us to believe in the male and female stereotypes, and drive us to believe that men and women truly are different. This is done again for the benefit of the economy. When men and women are suspicious of each other’s motives, and are driven to conflict rather than love each other, people run out and spend money on all kinds of things. Alcohol, dating sites, clothes, makeup, legal fees, I don’t think I need to go on.

If people were freely loving each other, seeing each other as all being the same, no feminine/masculine divide, seeing that we need feminine and masculine qualities equally, and that they complement each other perfectly, people would find themselves satisfied in their intimate relationships and friendships. When people are connected, satisfied, happy, they spend less money. You get the picture.

The influence of mass media and commerce has been so all-pervasive that we don’t even realise that it doesn’t have to be this way. It is so influential that we even take to criticising each other when one does not conform. I have been guilty of it myself, looking upon a woman who doesn’t shave her legs as worse than someone who have broken the law. What has become of us???

So, now to tie this monologue back to the word cunt. What I am trying to say here, is that by using the word cunt, we are continuing to reinforce the current modes of thinking that degrade women and keep men and women divided.

“The more I understood about the vagina, and how sensitive it s to the emotional environment – and also how frankly creatively and intellectually precious its well-being is – the less able I was to screen out, dismiss or numb myself to the casual insults or abuse that even the nicest people in our culture take for granted as normal commonplace discussion.” (219)

Every woman is a goddess. Every man is a god. Gods and goddesses don’t hate on each other. They embrace difference. They are secure in themselves. They don’t have to undercut anyone to feel better about themselves.

“Wherever I looked around me I saw the undimmed, unsullied feminine energy, creating and giving. Female sexuality was everywhere, doing nothing less than nurturing and sustaining the entire world; and doing nothing less than nurturing and sustaining us, humanity.” (355)

Our daily lives are made up of micro-decisions and small patterns of behaviour that form a greater tapestry of our lives and interactions with others. We all inevitably influence and shape one another. When a person gets a taste of what it is like to walk in another person’s shoes, I truly believe it is difficult for a person NOT to change their behaviour. If we can be responsible for ourselves and our actions, we can make incremental change daily, and slowly the planet will shift. It has happened many times over in history, and will continue to occur until the end of time!

So guys (and gals), think again when you drop the “C” bomb into your conversations, it holds more destructive power than you think.

***As an after-note, I have included some clips from some interesting clips that have been sent to me recently about these issues. I encourage you to check them out!

48 Reporters Asked This Guy The Same Dumb Question About Women. His Response? Absolutely Perfect: http://www.upworthy.com/48-reporters-asked-this-guy-the-same-dumb-question-about-women-his-response-absolutely-perfect?c=ufb1 

Cliteracy 101: Artist Sophia Wallace Wants You To Know The Truth About The Clitoris: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/28/cliteracy_n_3823983.html

Powerful Ads Use Real Google Searches to Show the Scope of Sexism Worldwide: http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/powerful-ads-use-real-google-searches-show-scope-sexism-worldwide-153235

Jess x